What causes bad behavior in kids? James Lehman says it happens because children don’t yet know how to solve problems effectively. To put it another way, they’re trying to handle many of the situations that life throws at them by acting out. They do this, frankly, because it’s working for them. But here’s the truth: If you don’t find out what problem your child is trying to solve with his behavior and offer him a new solution, the acting out will most likely continue—or even get worse over time.

Why are your child’s “triggers” so important to be aware of when it comes to losing your temper, or your kids acting out? Many parents I talk to on the Parental Support Line are mystified by their child’s behavior. They feel like they’re walking through a minefield at home—where something, anything, could set their child off at any moment. This is an incredibly tough feeling for parents to deal with, and many feel at a loss about how to stop it; as a result, they feel defeated and hopeless. However, it is possible to turn things around.

Do you find yourself saying things to your child during an argument without even thinking about it? Let’s face it, it’s almost impossible to be detached or objective when your child is in your face fighting with you. And naturally, it feels like a personal attack when he’s saying rude things or calling you names.

If you’re a parent, you’ve probably been there: your child says or does something that pushes your buttons, and the next thing you know, you’re yelling at the top of your lungs—and she’s responding in kind. Afterward, you feel drained, upset and frustrated and wonder why it always has to come down to a screaming match. Janet Lehman, MSW, explains how you can move from being “The Screamer” parent to one who communicates effectively.

It’s hard to get most adolescents to comply, but when you’re dealing with a hostile teen, it can be almost impossible. In part two of this series on anger and hostility in kids, James Lehman discusses concrete ways for you to break through your child’s force field of anger and defuse his hostility. Don’t give up yet—it really is possible to bring peace to your home.

Have you found yourself asking the question, “Why is my child always so angry at me?” Do you feel like your adolescent surrounds himself with a force field of anger and hostility? In part one of this frank Q&A, James Lehman explains the difference between hostility and anger—and tells you where these emotionsoften come from.

Many parents wonder what the difference is between a bribe and a reward. After all, in both instances, your child is getting something for doing what you want him to do. But when is this helpful in teachinghim better behavior, and when is it harmful? Parental Support Line Advisor, Erin Schlicher explains.

My son, Jeremy, and I would like to thank all of you who have written such beautiful stories about how my husband, James Lehman, and The Total Transformation Program have made a positive difference in your lives. I, too, am a social worker. James and I both felt that it is a beautiful thing to be able to help others…and boy, he certainly did.

Have you sent your acting-out, verbally abusive or behaviorally-disordered child to counseling, only to find that it didn’t improve his behavior at all? Or maybe counseling worked for awhile, but then your child fell back into the same old patterns of behavior. Counseling for kids can be effective and helpful, but not all counseling is the same. We sat down with James Lehman to hear what he had to say about finding the right type of counseling for your child—and the kind of training parents need to become the “agents of change” in their families.

There are times when your authority as a parent isn’t enough. If your adolescent has escalated to the point of physical abuse and destruction of property—or if he is engaging in risky or dangerous behavior outside the house—you already know you need help. Calling the police on your child poses a risk that you might not be willing to take, but it’s an option you might want to consider. James Lehman tackles this tough subject in a frank one-on-one interview.

Before we discuss ways to stop verbal abuse, threats, and intimidation, I want to say that these are very difficult issues to deal with individually in your home. This type of behavior is generally a manifestation of a much bigger problem and a symptom of something more global that is going on with your child. While I’m going to try to focus attention on these individual behaviors in this article, I can’t stress enough that parents need to have a systematic way of dealing with these problems so that they don’t simply move from crisis to crisis with their child.

Part one of a two-part series by James Lehman, MSW on kids who use verbal abuse, intimidation and threats to manipulate their parents and family. In this article, James explains how a defiant, verbally abusive child is created. Next week, he’ll tell you how to handle this behavior in your home.

Violence is the extreme end of aggression. Remember that not all kids who are aggressive become violent. When children and teens use violence to get what they want—whether it’s punching a sibling in the stomach or punching a hole in the wall—it usually involves a scenario where they’re being told “no” to something they want to do, or they’re being told they have to do something they don’t want to do. What actually happens is that the child gets frustrated and angry and hasn’t learned any other way to deal with these feelings than to strike out—often at the adults involved.

Empowering Parents asked bullying expert and award-winning author Peggy Moss to address issues of girl violence and bullying, noting, “Even if the press perhaps sensationalizes certain events, how do we address these bullying episodes in order keep our children safe?”