Sometimes it feels like our children know when being defiant, misbehaving or not listening will embarrass us the most. Like when you’re visiting Grandma and your child decides they don’t want to be friendly, or they turn their head when an elder aunt tries to kiss them on the cheek. Other embarrassing moments are when they have a temper tantrum or scream at the top of their lungs (because they didn’t get their way) while you’re in the supermarket with a cart full of groceries.
All children have different personalities and ways of expressing themselves. Of course as long as it’s appropriate, we don’t mind that expression. As parents however, many of us want our children to always do as we ask or tell them to — but that does not always happen. So parents can feel shame, embarrassment or guilt when children do not behave or act appropriately, especially in public or in front of others.
Parents have to remember that a child’s embarrassing behavior will likely be temporary. If a parent can keep that in mind, the behavior may not seem so overwhelming when it happens.
Another thing to remember is that most children will test limits again and again…especially if there were no consequences before for similar behavior.
With that in mind, parents can try to avoid embarrassing behaviors by:
- Having a talk with their child before leaving the house, or in the car on the way to the store (or Grandma’s house).
- Tell the child the expected behavior and outcome of the outing.
(For example, “We are going to pick up some groceries and I expect you to be on your best behavior. If you are not, here’s what the consequence will be.”)
- If it works for you, tell the child that they are allowed to pick out an item at the store at the end of your visit as long as they listen.
- Tell the child if they are not allowed to pick out an item at the store and be firm in that decision (regardless of whether or not they get upset).
- For younger children, try to ensure that the child either has a nap before the outing or that they can be comfortable in the cart (with a fabric cart cover).
If your child begins to have a temper tantrum or displays embarrassing behaviors, remain calm, be firm but loving with your child and talk to him about appropriate behaviors once he has calmed down.
About Kumari Ghafoor-Davis
Kumari is a social worker and a parent coach. Her company, Optimistic Expectations fosters better parent/child relationships and family cohesiveness on her website Optimistic Expectations. She is the author of Real Talk: Ten Parenting Strategies to Raise Confident Successful Children.