Kids who are getting high, stealing, shoplifting, and acting out are making bad choices that may affect them for the rest of their lives. If your child is making these bad choices, it needs to change.
But, unless something dramatic happens, people stay on the course they set during adolescence. And if the course of your child’s life is petty criminal behavior (starting with stealing from you), using drugs and alcohol, and intimidating everybody at home, know that this is not going to change on its own.
Make no mistake, this is not a phase. Rather, it’s a sign that your child is developing unhealthy behaviors that may stay with him his entire life.
Related content: Is It an Adolescent Phase—or Out-of-Control Behavior?
Below are my eight practical steps you can take today to manage your acting-out kids.
I tell parents who blame themselves to cut it out. Remember, it’s not whose fault it is—it’s who’s willing to take responsibility.
So if you’re looking for answers in Empowering Parents articles and otherwise trying to improve your parenting skills, then you’re taking responsibility. Maybe you messed up in the past, but let’s start here, today, with what you are willing to do for your child now.
The next step is to try to get your child in a position where he becomes willing to take responsibility for his behavior.
I always tell parents that they don’t have to attend every fight they’re invited to. Don’t let children suck you into an argument when they slam their bedroom door loudly or roll their eyes at you. I think the best thing to do is say:
“Hey, don’t slam the door.”
And then leave the room. Give your child a verbal reprimand right there on the spot, and then go.
I think it’s also a good idea to be very specific with instructions to avoid a fight later. You can say:
“Listen, when you put the dishes in the dishwasher, rinse them off first.”
I call this a “pull-up” because you’re actually just giving your child a boost. It’s like taking them by the hand and helping them get on their feet.
You may need to do ten pull-ups a night, but that’s okay. Do it without any hard feelings. Don’t hold a grudge or cut him off when he’s talking. And don’t say, “I told you so—I warned you about this.” No one likes to hear that, not adults and not kids. It’s annoying.
Remember that blaming, speeches, and criticism all cut off communication. If you can have a relationship with your adolescent where you’re still communicating 60 or 70 percent of the time, you’re doing pretty well.
If you get angry when your child stomps off to his room or doesn’t want to spend time with you, you’re personalizing his behavior. That gives him power over you.
I understand that this is easy for parents to do, especially if your teen used to enjoy spending time with you and was reasonably compliant when he or she was younger.
But if you take your child’s behavior as a personal attack upon you or your values, you’re overreacting. Your child is in adolescence. It’s his problem, and it’s not an attack on you. Instead, it’s just where he is in his developmental cycle.
Your teen is not striking out at you personally. Believe me, teenagers will strike out at anybody who’s there, whether it’s you or a sibling. My point is that there is so much going on in your adolescent’s head that you shouldn’t take it personally. He is so self-involved at this stage in his life that he doesn’t see things clearly. Adolescence distorts perception.
So, if your teenage daughter comes home late, don’t take it personally. If she told you she wasn’t going to do something and then did it, don’t take it personally. It’s not, “You let me down.” It’s, “You broke the rules, and here are the consequences.” Just reinforce what the rules are and let your child know she’ll be held accountable.
The only time I think you should respond very strongly is when a child is being verbally or physically abusive. If your teenager calls you or others foul names or destroys property, you have to respond.
Related content: When Kids Get Ugly: How to Stop Threats and Verbal Abuse
I believe parents should run their homes based on their own belief system, not on how other people operate, or how it appears families on television do things. It doesn’t matter if “everybody’s doing it” according to your teen. If your child says “everybody’s doing it” then you need to tell him:
“Well, I’m not ‘everybody’s’ parent, I’m yours. And in our family, this is not allowed.”
So if you believe it’s not right for a 16-year-old to drink beer, then that’s what you believe. And you need to run your home accordingly.
If you believe that lying and stealing are wrong, then make that a rule in your house and hold your children accountable for that behavior if they break the rules.
If you tell your child the rules and then you yourself break those rules, how do you think your adolescent will react? Do you think he’ll respect what you’ve said? Or do you think the message will be, “Dad says that I shouldn’t lie, but he sometimes does, so it’s okay.”
It’s imperative to be a good role model and abide by the rules that you set. Otherwise, you risk having them be broken over and over again by your children.
Believe me, I understand that it’s easy to overreact to typical teenage behavior. Teens can be annoying and are often unaware of or just don’t care about other people’s feelings.
But I think some objectivity on the part of parents is vital. For example, if your child makes a mistake, like coming in past curfew, you don’t want to overreact to it. Don’t forget, the idea is not to punish. The idea is to teach. And we teach through responsibility, accountability, and giving appropriate consequences.
Related content: Watch James Lehman Explain Consequences
I think you should always ask yourself, “What does my child need to learn so that he doesn’t make that same mistake next time? What can I do about that?”
When a teen fails a test, the question should be, “So what are you going to do differently so that you don’t fail the next test?” You may hold your child accountable, there may be a consequence, but you should always try to have a conversation that solves problems, not a conversation that lays blame. Blame is useless.
So let’s say your child went to the mall without your permission. You hold him accountable and give him consequences for that breach of family rules. Then you should say:
“What can you do differently the next time the other kids say, ‘Let’s go to the mall,’ and you want to be cool and not ask me if it’s okay?”
Then help your child look at the range of options. He could say, “No thanks.” Or better yet, “I have to call my mother, she’s a pain in the neck, but I have to check in.” I used to tell kids to say this. It’s a great way for teens to follow the rules without looking weak or childish. When they say, “My mom is a pain,” all the other kids nod and shake their heads, because their parents are pains in the neck, too.
Sometimes kids just don’t know what to say in a sticky situation. Part of solving that problem with them is coming up with some good responses and even role playing a little until it feels comfortable coming out of your child’s mouth.
If your child is being physically abusive, destroying property, stealing, or using drugs, you have to hold him accountable, even if it means involving the police.
The bottom line is that if your child is breaking the law or stealing from you, you need to get more help. I know parents who say, “I can’t do that to my son,” and I respect that—it’s a difficult thing to do.
But in my opinion, you’re doing your child a favor by telling him that what he’s doing is unacceptable. If he’s not responding to parental authority or the school’s authority, you have to go to a higher level. Your child has to learn how to respond to authority if he’s going to go anywhere in life. You may worry about your teen getting a record, but I think you should worry more about him not changing his behavior.
Related content: When to Call the Police on Your Child
I think it’s important for parents of acting-out and out-of-control teens to ask themselves this question: if your teenager is abusing you verbally, calling you disgusting names, and punching holes in the walls, what kind of husband or father do you think he’s going to make?
I did service work at a prison, and I would talk to the guys there each week. Do you know what they were doing as teenagers? They were stealing from their parents, staying out all night, getting high, and drinking.
If anybody gave them a hard time at home, they acted out. They intimidated everybody in their family and at school so that everybody would leave them alone.
On visiting day in prison, you can see all the parents going in to visit their kids who are now in their twenties and thirties. That is the harsh reality of ignoring or not dealing with a child’s out-of-control behavior.
As a parent, I think you always have to ask yourself, “Where is this behavior headed? What’s next?” Understand that people—especially adolescents—don’t change if something is working for them and they’re getting away with it.
Related content: Parenting Teens: Parental Authority vs. Peer Pressure
I think that all children, but especially adolescents, have to be held accountable for their behavior. Ideally, we teach them how to behave. We model it ourselves and then hold them accountable by giving consequences and helping them learn problem-solving skills.
Ultimately, accountability creates change. It doesn’t guarantee a complete inner change right away, but it sure forces behavioral change. In the end, nobody ever changed who wasn’t held accountable.
How to Create a Culture of Accountability in Your Home
Empowering Parents Podcast: Apple, Spotify, Google, Stitcher
James Lehman, who dedicated his life to behaviorally troubled youth, created The Total Transformation®, The Complete Guide to Consequences™, Getting Through To Your Child™, and Two Parents One Plan™, from a place of professional and personal experience. Having had severe behavioral problems himself as a child, he was inspired to focus on behavioral management professionally. Together with his wife, Janet Lehman, he developed an approach to managing children and teens that challenges them to solve their own problems without hiding behind disrespectful, obnoxious or abusive behavior. Empowering Parents now brings this insightful and impactful program directly to homes around the globe.
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Welcome to Empowering Parents. I can hear how distressing this situation is for you and your wife. We have an article that specifically addresses this topic you may find helpful: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/does-your-child-have-toxic-friends-6-ways-to-deal-with-the-wrong-crowd/.
Thanks for reaching out.
A single Mom with a 10 year old who is completely disrespectful. Swearing, screamong, throwing things, hitting get me and his grandmother
...completely out of control. He has ADVD and he's on medication for it from his pediatrician. His father is a drug addiction, doesn't want to be a part of his life so he's completely out of the picture. My son doesn't care about consequences or things being taken away from him. When he is good, he is a joy but those times are very far and few between. Any help seems to be for 13 years and up. By the time he is 13 he will be really hard handle with the strength to seriously hurt me or his Grandma.
Stepmomdrama I hear your concern for your stepson’s
behavior, and your confusion about whether or not you should share what
happened at his grandparents’ house with your husband. This behavior is
quite troubling, and I encourage you to share his actions with his father.
I also strongly encourage you both to work together with local supports,
such as a counselor or his doctor, to develop a plan to address your stepson’s
aggressive sexual behavior, because if it continues, it could lead to more
serious consequences later on in his life. For assistance locating
available supports in your community, try contacting the http://www.211.org at
1-800-273-6222. I can only imagine how worrisome this must be for you,
and I wish you and your family all the best moving forward. Take care.
My son is 15, he no longer likes the fact that my eldest son and his girlfriend still live with us he wants then to move out. It has now come to a head and he has taken himself to leave, I know he is save however this is not a ideal situation.
I will not choose between my 2 sons.
When we are all at home at the weekend its like we have to trend on eggshells around him so that not to upset him, he has become very demanding I really dont know what to do, do I just wait it out and see if he sees sense and comes home.
I’m so sorry to hear about the difficulty you are facing
with your daughter right now, and I’m glad that you are reaching out for
support.It can be scary and confusing
when your child is acting out in risky and dangerous ways.I’m sorry to hear about the recent robbery
you experienced, and I’m glad that you are working with the police.As mentioned in https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/why-is-my-child-stealing-and-what-can-i-do-advice-for-parents-on-kids-stealing-and-shoplifting/, we recommend allowing a child to experience the natural
consequences of their actions, including legal consequences for actions such as
stealing.I also understand your concern
for the way your daughter is behaving online. While it is impossible to monitor
your daughter 24/7, I encourage you to limit the opportunities she has to spend
online unsupervised.Megan Maas offers
more strategies in her article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/10-steps-to-set-your-kids-up-with-a-healthy-onlineoffline-balance/.Please be sure to write back and let us know
how things are going for you and your family. Take care.
sorry to hear about the challenges that you have been facing with your son.I’m glad that you are taking steps to address
his behavior by working with a therapist and reaching out for support here in
our community.I recommend continuing to
work with the school to address his behavior there, as outlined in https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/young-kids-acting-out-in-school-the-top-3-issues-parents-worry-about-most/.You can also work with your son at home to
learn appropriate strategies to manage his anger.You might find our article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/8-steps-to-anger-management-for-kids/, helpful to this process.Please be sure to write back and let us know
how things are going with you and your son.Take care.
I’m so sorry to hear about the challenges you are facing
with your daughter, and I’m glad that you are here reaching out for
support.These behaviors can be very
scary to confront with your adolescent, and many parents feel overwhelmed in
this type of situation.I find that it’s
often most effective to focus on one or two behaviors at a time, in order to
regain a feeling of control and consistency.Based on what you have written, I encourage you to start by addressing
your daughter’s https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-child-is-using-drugs-or-drinking-alcohol-what-should-i-do/ and https://www.empoweringparents.com/article-categories/child-behavior-problems/stealing/.I also hope that you are finding time to take
care of yourself during this time as well.Self-care is a crucial, yet often overlooked, component of effective
parenting.Your self-care plan can be
anything you wish, from engaging in an activity you enjoy, to working with more
structured supports like a counselor or support group.For more information on these supports in
your community, try contacting the http://www.211.org/
at 1-800-273-6222.I recognize how
difficult this must be for you right now, and I wish you and your family all
the best moving forward.Take care.
I’m so sorry to hear about the struggles you have faced with
your son over the years, and I’m glad that you are here reaching out for
support.It sounds like he is making
some unsafe and risky choices right now, like drug use, inviting people over
without your permission and making threats to harm himself.At this point, I encourage you to work with
local supports to develop a plan to help keep both your son and you safe.Even if your son refuses to participate, it
will still be useful for you to have some support for yourself.If you are not currently working with anyone,
one resource might be contacting the http://www.211.org/
at 1-800-273-6222.211 is a service
which connects people with available services in their community.I recognize how overwhelming this must be for
you right now, and I wish you and your son all the best moving forward.Take care.
I hear you.
It can feel overwhelming when your teen is making poor choices which can
negatively impact her future, as well as being disrespectful to you.
Although I recognize how much it hurts to hear these things from your daughter,
I encourage you to do your best https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/i-hate-you-mom-i-wish-you-were-dead-when-kids-say-hurtful-things/. In addition, I encourage you to
focus more on what your daughter is doing right now, and addressing her current
behavior, rather than getting into debates with her about what will happen when
she’s 18 and able to move out. Megan Devine outlines this in her blog, https://www.empoweringparents.com/blog/when-your-teen-says-im-almost-18-you-cant-tell-me-what-to-do/ Take
I hear you. It can be so frustrating when your child
is refusing to meet his responsibilities, especially in the mornings when
things tend to be more stressful in general. At this point, it could be
helpful to talk with him during a calm time, and https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/the-surprising-reason-for-bad-child-behavior-i-cant-solve-problems/ about how he can get dressed and ready to leave for school on time
each day. You might also plan out ahead of time in a calm moment how you
will hold him accountable if he is refusing to get ready. In general, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/child-discipline-consequences-and-effective-parenting/ doesn’t tend to be
effective, because it tends to escalate a power struggle rather than motivating
a child to comply. I recognize how challenging this can be, and I hope
you will write back and let us know how things are going for you and your
family. Take care.
It’s a very helpless feeling when your children are
continuing to act out, despite giving them consequences and involving outside
authorities such as the police and the school. I hear how much you want
to help your daughters, and I’m glad that you are reaching out for
support. For additional resources in your area, you might consider
contacting the http://www.211.org/ at
1-800-273-6222. 211 is an information and referral service which connects
people with available supports in their community. Another option for you
might be a program which is often referred to as CHINS/PINS (child in need of
services/person in need of services). This is often run through the
juvenile justice system, and helps you to have additional options for
accountability through the courts. You can get more information on this
program from your local clerk of courts. I recognize how difficult and
lonely this must be for you, and I wish you all the best moving forward.
I’m so sorry to
hear about what you are experiencing with your two adult children. You
are not alone in going through this. With your son, his therapist is
correct that he is an adult, and thus has the right to make his own decisions,
even those you do not agree with. While you cannot “make” him follow your
rules or do anything, where you will have control is how you choose to respond
to his actions. I hear you that you do not want to kick him out, and
that’s OK. You might consider, though, what other course of action you
can take to hold him accountable if he is choosing not to follow your
rules. James Lehman discusses this more in-depth in his article series on
adult children, which starts with https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/rules-boundaries-and-older-children-part-i/. I’m also sorry to hear about
your daughter’s actions, and I recognize how much it hurts when a child cuts
off a parent. You might find some comfort and advice in our article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/estranged-from-your-adult-child-5-things-you-can-do/, as well as in the comments from
other parents in a similar position. I recognize how difficult this must
be for you right now, and I wish you and your family all the best as you
continue to move forward. Take care.
consequences are one of the most commonly received on our site, so you are not
alone. https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/how-to-get-your-child-to-listen-9-secrets-to-giving-effective-consequences/ have three components: they are time-limited, task-oriented,
and related to the initial offense. Ideally, the consequence should have
a learning component so that your daughter is practicing the behavior you want
to see as well. It sounds like you want your daughter to be responsible
and follow your house rules, even when she is unsupervised, and I’m not sure
that taking away a sleepover will be the most effective way to achieve
that. Instead, you might limit the amount of time she is unsupervised until
she can demonstrate greater responsibility. Megan Devine offers more tips
in her article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/is-your-child-responsible-enough-to-be-home-alone-dos-and-donts-for-parents/.
Please let us know if you have additional questions. Take care.
It can be really challenging when you recognize that your
child is acting inappropriately, yet you feel powerless to address it.
The truth is, there may not be a lot that you can do at this point since your
son is currently living with his dad out of state. Ultimately, you cannot
control how his dad chooses to handle this situation, if at all. If you
are not already doing so, it could be useful to have some support for yourself
during this time, such as a counselor or a support group. For assistance
locating resources in your community, try contacting the http://www.211.org/ at 1-800-273-6222. I
recognize how difficult this must be for you, and I wish you all the best
moving forward. Take care.
It can be so painful to watch your child make decisions
which have a high probability of turning out poorly for her. I understand
your feelings around your daughter going on this trip, and the potential
negative consequences which could be in store for her as a result. As a
teen though, she probably does not yet have the capacity to look that far ahead
into the future, nor the experience of having a lot of serious relationships
and then coping with a breakup when they end. As a parent, you may have
some legal options of preventing her from leaving without your permission as
she is a minor. You can ask your local law enforcement about your rights
in this situation. This may also be a time to step back, and let her
learn from this experience. While it is difficult to watch a child make
poor decisions and experience pain and heartbreak as a result, natural
consequences can be effective teachers as well. I understand how
difficult this must be for you, and I hope that you will write back and let us
know how things are going. Take care.
I hear your frustration with your son’s defiant behavior
with you, and at school as well. It sounds like you have put in a lot of
work to help your son, and he is refusing to do his part. I encourage you
to continue to reach out for help in your community, even if it is to make sure
that you are getting the support you need so you can help your son.
Another step you might consider is filing what is commonly called a CHINS
(child in need of services) petition. This is a legal court order in
which the juvenile/family courts can add another level of authority and
accountability to your son if he is not following your rules at home or
behaving appropriately at school. This action helps you to hold your son
accountable for his choices, as well as potentially leading to additional
resources and services being available to you and your son. You can get
more information on this by contacting your local clerk of courts. I can
only imagine how difficult this must be for you right now, and I wish you all
the best as you continue to move forward. Take care.
It’s normal to be
concerned when you are witnessing this type of behavior directed toward your
partner, especially when you also have a small child in the home.
Something I often talk about with parents is that people do not tend to change
unless they are uncomfortable. If this current situation is “working” on
some level for your partner’s son, he is likely to continue to keep doing these
things. Another piece to consider is that he is legally an adult, and so
anything provided to him is considered a privilege, which includes having a
place to live. It’s going to be important for you and your partner to work
together to develop a plan for how to move forward. James Lehman offers
some advice on addressing these behaviors in his article, https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/rules-boundaries-and-older-children-part-ii-in-response-to-questions-about-older-children-living-at-home/. Please let us know if you have any
additional questions. Take care.
I imagine you must be both frustrated and worried about the
choices you daughter is making. It’s unfortunate that some teens become defiant
and disrespectful when they enter into adolescence. Having clear limits and
expectations around curfew is a good place to start. It could also be
beneficial to have a consequence that’s linked to her coming home when she’s
supposed to. Janet Lehman explains effective ways you can hold her accountable
in her article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/establishing-curfews-how-to-set-and-stick-with-them/. Another article you may find
helpful is https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/does-your-child-have-toxic-friends-6-ways-to-deal-with-the-wrong-crowd/. Best
of luck to you and your family moving forward. Take care.
It’s understandable you would be worried. Many parents are
troubled by the choices their teenaged child is making. The good news is that
you do know where she is and, while avoidance isn’t a great coping skill, it
may be one of the few she has at this time. I’m not able to tell you whether or
not you should go and bring your daughter home. Moving forward, it would be
beneficial to have clear limits and expectations around this sort of behavior. It
may be helpful to touch base with her therapist to determine appropriate
expectations for your daughter. You may find the article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/parenting-rules-and-expectations-but-everyone-else-is-doing-it/ helpful as well.
Good luck to you and your daughter moving forward. Be sure to check back and
let us know how things are going. Take care.
I am so sorry to hear you are having to deal with such
extreme behavior from your son. I can only imagine how distressing it is for
you and the other members of your family. From what you have written, it sounds
like you have a lot of qualified professionals working with your family. It’s
going to be best to continue working with local supports. We would not want to
recommend something that might run counter to anything they might suggest for
your son and family. They are also in a much better position to put you in
contact with resources and supports in your community. One thing that may be
helpful is to continue making reports whenever your son acts out or threatens
you or your boyfriend. This will help to establish a paper trail, which will be
important should this ever require court intervention. Kim Abraham and Marney
Studaker-Cordner offer more tips for managing this type of situation in their
article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/how-to-talk-to-police-when-your-child-is-physically-abusive/. We wish you the
best of luck moving forward. Be sure to check back and let us know how things
are going. Take care.
Parenting a strong willed child can be quite overwhelming.
And, I think most parents look back and see things they wish they could have
done differently. It’s never too late to
parent more effectively, though, as James Lehman points out in the article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/its-never-too-late-7-ways-to-start-parenting-more-effectively/. It will be
most productive to focus on one behavior at a time. It may be difficult to
decide what behavior to start with, especially if there are a lot of different
acting out behaviors going on. Carole Banks gives some suggestions for figuring
out where to start in her article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-childs-behavior-is-so-bad-where-do-i-begin-how-to-coach-your-child-forward/.
I hope you find the information in these articles helpful for your situation.
Be sure to check back if you have any further questions. Take care.
I’m sorry your son has been making such poor choices. I can
hear how distressed you are. There is a lot going on right now so it’s
understandable you would be feeling overwhelmed and unsure of where to start.
For that reason, it’s going to be best to pick one behavior to focus on at a
time. As Carole Banks explains in her article https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-childs-behavior-is-so-bad-where-do-i-begin-how-to-coach-your-child-forward/, looking at everything that
needs to be addressed can cause a parent to feel defeated before she evens
begins. Narrowing the focus by picking one behavior to start can help alleviate
that problem. Once you’ve decided which behavior to focus on, you can develop a
plan for addressing and managing that behavior. We have articles that address a
wide range of behaviors. You can find a list of those topics here: https://www.empoweringparents.com/articles/. Good luck to you and your son as you work through these
challenges. Take care.
Please help. My 15 yr old son is out of control. He wasn't allowed out last night he became enraged by this, I didn't attend the argument. So he started being verbally abusive called me an f'ing b'ch. telling me where to go. Knocking things over, punching walls. I removed his phone from him and told him until he spoke with respect he wouldn't have it back. I suggested he stay with my mum to calm down and we wld revisit in the morning. He told me no he was going out and so jumped out the window.
He went off to his dad's, he's an alcoholic who is verbally abusive to him and me. He's only ever seen disrespect to me from him. He allows him to do whatever he wants. I called the police as at the time didn't know where he'd gone. His dad will never confirm whether he is there or not. What do I do? How can I parent him when the other parent encourages him to be disrespectful? I doubt he will come back from there as he gets to do what he wants when he wants. I'm at the end of my tether? I am living in the UK
It sounds like you are in the middle of a really tough
situation. It’s not uncommon for kids in divorce situations to gravitate toward
the parent that parents in a way which the child perceives as being to his own
advantage. For example, most kids will naturally want to live with the parent
who has fewer rules, and who can blame them? That’s a natural response.
It doesn’t help that your ex-husband seems completely
opposed to you. An effective response in this situation is focusing on what you
can control. In all honesty, you can’t control your ex nor what he says is OK
in his home. You can control the rules and expectations you establish within
your home, though, as well as how you hold your son accountable when those
rules are broken. Do your best to continue to set limits and hold your son
accountable in your home with the privileges you provide, like you did with his
cell phone. I also encourage you to find ways to take care of yourself and cope
with what is going on. I know this is really hard and wish you luck as you
continue to work through this. Take care.
I am sorry you are starting to see your son’s behavior
escalate to the point of aggression. While calling the police is
certainly an option, it’s usually one of last resort. It would be more productive
to develop a response in the moment that focuses on safety while also helping
your son develop more effective coping skills through problem solving
conversations. The behavior you are seeing could be linked to the bullying he
may be experiencing at school. Even though that may not be an excuse for his
behavior, it is something that needs to be addressed. We have several articles
that address both how to respond to aggressive behavior and also how to help
your child if he’s being bullied. You may find the articles https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/how-to-manage-aggressive-child-behavior/ & https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/is-your-child-being-bullied-9-steps-you-can-take-as-a-parent/ useful for your
situation. Be sure to check back if you have any further questions. Take care.
This sounds like a really tough situation. It can be
difficult to know how to respond to your teen’s anger and aggression.
Unfortunately, most adolescents and teens lack the coping skills they need for
dealing with difficult situations that may come up in their day to day life.
This lack of skills can result in angry outbursts and aggression. We have several
articles that offer tips for managing and addressing these behaviors. Two in
particular you may find helpful are https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/anger-rage-and-explosive-outbursts-how-to-respond-to-your-child-or-teens-anger/ &
https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/how-to-manage-aggressive-child-behavior/. I hope you find this information
useful. Be sure to check back and let us know how things are going. Take care.
I am so sorry you are having to face such out of control
behavior from your teenage son. There is a program available in some areas that
may offer you the help and support you’re looking for. These programs are often
called PINS or CHINS (Person/Child In Need of Services or something like that).
You typically need to petition the court to get your child involved in such a
program. If you contact your state’s department of juvenile justice they will
be able to tell you if any such programs exist in your area and what they
entail. Other parents we have worked with have found these types of programs to
be helpful in regaining some control in their homes. Second, we recommend
contacting the 211 National Helpline, an information and referral service. You
can call them at 1-800-273-6222 or visit them online at http://www.211.org/. The goal of this service is to link
people with valuable resources and support within their communities. I hope
these ideas help. Take care and the best of luck to your family.
I can hear your concern. Ultimately, only you can decide
whether or not you’re comfortable allowing your daughter to hang out with a
much older woman. The real issue here is your daughter’s behavior, not who
she’s hanging out with. Focusing on how your daughter treats you and talks to
you will probably be more productive than arguing with her about her
friendship. We have several articles that offer great tips for dealing with
attitude and disrespect. One article in particular you may find helpful is https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/does-your-child-have-toxic-friends-6-ways-to-deal-with-the-wrong-crowd/. I
hope you find the information useful. Good luck to you and your daughter moving
forward. Take care.